System mechanic — questline
Special Delivery
Starts at the palace in the Cheeki Breeki region · gated behind actually defeating a boss in combat first
This is a short, complete questline built entirely out of two of the game's political-caricature world bosses — and underneath the shitpost trappings, it's a genuinely sincere, understated love story the game never announces as one.
How you get it
You cannot simply walk up and start this quest. It's gated behind personally defeating The Tsar (the boss of the Cheeki Breeki, the Russia-themed region) in combat first. Trying before that just gets a refusal: nobody in this arrangement deals with a courier who hasn't earned it. Once you've beaten him, he offers you the job himself.
What happens
The Tsar hands you a sealed, gold-lettered envelope addressed to Kim Jong-un — The Supreme Leader, who tops the Meme Ministry, the North Korea-themed region — and asks you to carry it to him personally, because "official channels are so inefficient" for something this delicate. He all but says outright that it's a love letter, and that he's "hopelessly in love."
You carry it across the world to the Meme Ministry, where Kim Jong-un receives it with total ceremony in front of a room of clipboard-wielding transcribers recording everything said. You get one real choice on this leg: hand the letter over with its wax seal unbroken, or steam it open on the road and read it first (and optionally admit to having done so). If you did read it, the game is plain about what's actually in there: "plain, unguarded, the sentence of a man writing with the door locked" — it's real.
Kim reads it, keeps his composure in front of the room, then — quietly, off the record, once the formal transcription is done — asks you to tell the Tsar "the poetry was correct." He hands you a sealed reply to carry back.
Back at the Cheeki Breeki, delivering the reply plays out differently depending on what you did earlier: hand it over clean and the Tsar reads it in private (the guards turn their backs so nobody witnesses his reaction) and echoes the same line back, quieter. Confess that you'd opened the first letter, and the exchange turns brittle and formal — "a courier who reads is a courier who is read."
Rewards
Keeping the seal unbroken the whole way is the better outcome by every measure: ¤2,600 cash, a Friendship Medal, and 1,500 Hitpoints XP, plus the warmer ending text. Breaking the seal at any point halves the payout to ¤1,300 cash and 800 Hitpoints XP, with no medal, and a noticeably colder send-off — the game states plainly that the Ministry "noted" which courier you turned out to be.
Version history
- Added, built entirely from characters and regions that already existed in the
game — The Tsar was already the Cheeki Breeki's boss, and Kim Jong-un (internally
nk_supreme) already topped the North Korea region — reused rather than inventing new characters for the story, matching how most of this game's other questlines are built.
Trivia
- The letter's actual item name, if you check your inventory while carrying it, is simply "A Genuine Letter" — a small, understated confirmation that it's not a joke prop, unlike most of what you carry in this game.
- Every choice in this questline is tracked and referenced by the other characters later in the same conversation — Kim's clipboard record of whether the seal was broken directly changes what the Tsar says to you afterward, even though the two never speak to each other directly on-screen.
See also: Quests — the general system behind the game's roughly 1,300 ordinary NPC quests, as distinct from this hand-written questline.